Dick in a Box Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #153

One, you make a hole in the box... The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume pays homage to the viral SNL digital short starring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake as a junk-obsessed 90's ballading boy band. I don't know if it's too ridiculous for my tastes by the Dick in the Box sketch only hooked me with the "no hands" construction of the shiny-bowed package.  I prefer "Motherlover" 10 to 1.  The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume is an almost-but-not-quite choice for those nerds with a discerning sense of humor wanting to impress the middle class everywhere.

Anorexia Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #147

The Anorexia Halloween Costume (Anna Rexia Halloween Costume) is the ultimate exploitation of disturbing diseases.  Some companies also refer to this costume as the Nicole Riche Halloween Costume which is just plain wrong.  The Anorexia Halloween Costume exploits serious social, psychological and physical illness and all under the guise of a skeleton-plastered nurse's uniform.  Medical professionals can sometimes wield their knowledge to become the sickest, most hypochondriacal ones of the bunch but unless the wearer of the Anorexia Halloween Costume is stick-thin, these duds will just appear to be from the Graveyard ER collection.  Another example of a play on words not quite translating in the visual realm.

Penguin Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #135

Um, those cute March of the Penguins and Happy Feet movies are how old now? For the love of all that's natural, please, waddle where nobody can see you in the Ginormous Penguin Halloween Costume. Ever seen that episode of Cheaters where the cheater is busted in the Bumble Bee costume at Halloween? It's about as attractive as that, oversized red bow tie or not.

Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Cotume #134

I'll take a double. If an underwear-on-the-outside with tights super hero costume wasn't adequately indicative of drunkery, the Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume brings all the elements of terrible frat party icon-worship to an obvious head. Beerman totes a sixpack and has a holster of beers in reserve tethered to his waist. The bright yellow wristbands and leg warmers are a bit of a mystery but I guess you can't expect sharp stylings from a boozehound. The bad Bono beer goggle-mask? I don't think all the beer in the world can make those look like a good idea.

Male Genie Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #130

Abracadabra, my brass. This Male Genie Halloween Costume sure isn't granting wishes that anybody wants. With a creepy leprechaun-green with accent-trim vest and matching monkey fez, the shiny gold assaultive-looking unit-lamp (with sharpie "Rub Me!" instructions) is a gag-inducing exercise in gleaming crass, of which only Tom Jones would be proud. The rest of us, we ask only one wish, deep six this costume deep into the Arabian Sea.

The Male Genie Halloween Costume is available from Spicy Legs.

Good in the Sack Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #122

The Good in the Sack Halloween Costume reeks of support group escapee. Any Tom, Dick and Harry that utilizes Halloween to tout their bedroom skills is a sure dud.  Inherently contradictory, Good in the Sack is a visually unexciting affliction with its  brown paper bag and annoying contrasty "Hello" sticker.  Good in the Sack is only good for holding trash.

Dog Mermaid Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #96

From the 2007 Archives:

I haven’t seen anything this cryptozoologically incorrect since Cheetah and Ma saw that ostrich-grizzly last summer. Costume + Pets = Bad. Costumes Restricting Hindquarter Mobility + Pets= Worse. A great new cause for Ellen.

The Dog Mermaid Halloween Costume is available from Ebay.

Harem Concubine Halloween Costume for Dogs

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #87

From the 2007 Archives:

It’s one thing for you to slut it up for Halloween but must you drag your dog into it? The Harem-Concubine-Belly Dancer Dog Halloween Costume (and photograph, for that matter) is plain dog porn horrific. Like Paris Hilton, this dog’s beauty is destroyed by indulgent over-crapccessorizing. It’s time for a revolution. Say no to puppy mills and say no to Harem Dog!

Christmas Holiday Santa Cat Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #83
From the 2007 Archives:

Who says this cat kills its owner in his sleep? Nothing chimes Holiday Spirit less than a feline in a Santa hat and matching holly scarf. Be prepared for a Dickensian intervention. Tip #1: Nobody will fawn over your Christmas cat. They will be too busy questioning your mental soundness. Tip #2: If your cat tolerates this outfit, what you own is not a cat.

Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #81

From the 2007 Archives:

The Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume squeals poor sense of humor and is ideal perfect for anyone who ever dressed up for “Pajama Day” during their high school’s Spirit Week. That is, not I. This fellow’s endearing expression enhances the creep factor of this Halloween costume as I so find the appetizer Pigs in a Blanket likewise macabre. I am certain, actually, that Pigs in a Blanket, Beanie Weenie, Cocktail Wieners (all served at Strassies’ picnics) are a leading contributor to my herbivorism. While I like pigs as animals, enjoy the movie BABE and admit that this costume is zoologically correct (pigs like to burrow in things such as blankets and straw), I just can’t get behind a costume or person that would promote a freakish appetizer in such a cuddly fashion.

Easter Egg Man Bunny Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #74

From the 2007 Archives:

Sweet lord, where do I start? I don’t care what holiday it is. An enormous bunny carrying a pastel dinosaur egg with a fetal man inside… it’s just not natural and really damages the evolutionary debate. Anti-Darwinian blasphemy!

The Easter Egg Man Halloween Costume is available from Stage Craft Inc.

Discombobulated Cow Tipping Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #63

From the 2007 Archives:

All the rage this year is inflatable costumes. Unfortunately while some of these costumes are cute and cuddly, the concept does not lend itself to easy maneuverability from kidnappers, candy-snatchers, and stop-drop-and-roll situations. And, pray tell, what in the hellfire and brimstone is this thing? Walmart calls it a “Handstanding Cow” which, unless you’re a Starbucks intellectual who wants to dissect its Sartresqueosity, seems like a really unnatural, uncomfortable and inhumane position for a cow to assume. Really, if kids see this thing, all they’re going to wonder is, how can a heifer make it with a moon bounce? I ain’t never seen that on the Discovery Channel.

The Discombobulated Cow Tipping Halloween Costume is available from Walmart.

Body Bag Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #58

From the 2006 Archives:

The Body Bag Halloween Costume is an absurd, hysterical, creepy and approachably palatable blend of Halloween appeal. I appreciate that the topically-relevant Body Bag is presented in monochromes as it allows the eye to fully soak in the costume without the distraction of too many bells and whistles. Nice makeup touches (I’d go with a tad more blood, bruises, scars) add to the zombie effect and bury the comparisons of a walking garment bag. Hee hee. Body Bag.

Martian G / Alien Gangster Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #57

From the 2006 Archives:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, check it. This costume comes with UFO bling. I’ve looked at Martian G Halloween Costume from all angles and just can’t place how it fits into the larger Halloween schematic but I do know this: it’s damn funny. The combination of the superficial and artificial renders an appealing humor deeply entrenched in a larger socio-political sphere which I’d expand upon except that I’m having too much fun beholding this Hip Hop alien. I strongly suggest any band in need of a gimmick buy a couple of these costumes for their next performance. One “Hep Alien” indeed…

Adult Baby in High Chair Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #47

From the 2006 Archives:

The Adult Baby in High Chair Halloween Costume is out and out ridiculous and completely devoid of any Halloweenish qualities but it makes me smile every time. The Adult Baby in High Chair costume effortlessly leaps over creepy man-issues and straight into absurd foolery.