Sarah Palin Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #136

Oh women politicians, are we ever going to take you seriously? With the suggestive Sarah Palin Huntress Halloween Costume, the answer is no way, babe. Setting human decency back to pre-Neandratholic times, this short-dress-rifle combo is an exercise in ridiculousness. Propagating the inherent mental challenges of game hunters, the Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is asking to be run back to Russia. 'cause that's next to Alaska, right? I mean, sheesh, with such a little bitty hemline inappropriate for any outdoor sport, it'd be more uncomfortable than a teen pregnancy scandal, trooper firing scandal, intelligence scandal... you take your pick. I'd remark that this costume is out of mode but it's just like the lady herself... annoyingly resurgent.

The Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Kim Jong Il Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #127

The Kim Jong Il Halloween Costume very strangely incorporates weird 3D retro glasses into a utilitarian asexual "Pat"-like brown jumpsuit. Super internationally savvy (and inherently non-American) folks might grin at this realistically bland rendition of America's favorite dictator and censor, or, more likely, they'll be remarking about the odd-looking robot on the loose around town. Really, how old is he?

The Kim Jong Il Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's.

Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #123

The Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume is great... if you want to get pummeled. Halloween is a time of fun escapism and running around as this nation's preeminent poster grandpa of corruption and pyramid schemes is just way too skin-crawly scary. Know what it's like to get hit in the face by a sack of pennies? 'cause that's what you're in for.

Tropical Gorilla Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes #106
From the 2007 Archives:

The Tropical Gorilla Halloween Costume is an existential exercise in the intersection of global cultures. Why is an African gorilla wearing Polynesian coconuts and Western dungarees? Did the Planet of the Apes take a vacation? The heck if I know but it looks like it’s having a whale of a time and I gotta be down with that. Pass the Mai Tais, Kong.

Suicide Bomber Watch Dog Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #82
From the 2007 Archives:

So the official name of this Halloween costume is “Watch Dog” but whom are we kidding? This outfit is straight up modern suicide bomber. Yeah, this costume is future-weapons scary but like your dog’s going to get confiscated, arrested and sent to GitMo, blown up in a counter-terrorism move and/or become a martyr/poster mutt for the jihad. And look at this poor pooch’s face. He knows he’s about to be sent into dangerous territory. It’s not his fault that he’s innately predisposed to trade his life for the Milkbone sign up bonus. ALALALALA! Someone contact the ASPCA/United Nations ASAP!

Uncle Sam Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #78

From the 2007 Archives:

Who wants to scare some Iraqis this Halloween? Or, come to think of it, Americans as well. Nothing like a creepy ass carnival sideshow snarling Uncle Sam Halloween Costume Mask to spin patriotism into a nightmare of horrors. Jeez, no wonder I’m scared into paying my taxes.

Gas Pump Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #37

From the 2006 Archives:

Target Corp., home to lots of Halloween treats, gets a big ol’ thumbs down on its Gas Pump Halloween Costume. Especially since a jerk might want to pair it with the Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume. See, Gas Pump does not frighten me because I don’t drive a suburban assault vehicle. And even if I did, the pump itself is not scary so much as the politics, corruption and pollution behind it. Conclusively, Gas Pump misses the mark. Beholders might be prone to initially praise its cleverness but that will soon give way to reflection, sadness and the realization that Gas Pump is simply Halloween inappropriate. I might find Gas Pump entertaining, though, if it was lit afire (no really, don’t). Now that’s a statement to the nth degree.

The Gas Pump Halloween Costume is available from Target.

Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #36

From the 2006 Archives:

White man dons lots of cloth, bad beard and velcroed sandals to complete sheik-dom in the Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume.  Not exactly "convincing."  But it does look pretty comfortable for summer in the San Fernando Valley.  Weren't a bunch of these guys stuffed into a VW van attempting to carry out death and destruction in the Back to the Future franchise?  I imagine less learned folk might find this scary if accented by heavy artillery but unless you want to be tarred and feathered or quartered by a couple of Ford pickups, I advise against running around in this costume.

Saddam Hussein Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #35

From the 2006 Archives:

Ever since Saddam Hussein was caught in a filthy hole, eating wieners and looking like a muddy Woodstock hippie, his scare stock crashed.  Therefore, the Saddam Hussein Halloween Costume ask is neither frightening, nor, given the current unrest in the Middle East, funny.  Plus, the red beret fashion this Hussein rendition into an unshaven pansy of an art student.  I've met many in my life so I can expertly assess this character as WEAK.

Osama Bin Laden Mask Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #9

From the 2006 Archives:

I bet there are plenty of people in the good ol' United States of America who wish this Inappropriate Halloween Costumes wasn't still relevant.

Waaaaaay back in the year 2006 I asked, "Who wants to get the crap beat out of them on Halloween? If that sounds like you then order this Osama Bin Laden mask." A carry-along dialysis machine would make a nice touch, but alas, is not included with the mask.

A rubbery mask with cartoony coal-black eyes and an even blacker soul makes this Halloween outfit-o-evil a perfect fit for Roger Rabbit's Toontown.

It was last seen noodling about Chamber of Horrors.

Donald Rumsfeld Mask Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #8

From the 2006 Archives:

Donald Henry Rumsfeld served as the Bush Administration's highly controversial Secretary of Defense (his second time around the block) from 2001 to 2006 and ran the United States invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq.

Among other things, Rummy has been embroiled in scandals not limited to the crafting of war propaganda, the insufficient supply of military equipment to U.S. troops, and the torture and abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

The Donald Rumsfeld Mask Halloween Costume captures Rummy's essence in all its manufactured glory. And indeed it is bone-chilling. Almost too bone-chilling. If I met this thing in a dark alley, I’d throw Rummy the bag of candy I stole from the Lucky Charms Leprechaun and run screaming in the opposite direction. Rumsfeld, by the way, has been known to live on an estate known as "Mount Misery."

Mad Cow Halloween Costume and Mad Milkmaid Halloween Costumes

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #4

From the 2006 Archives:

Remember when mad cow disease was all the rage? The Oriental Trading Company ran with the herd and included the Mad Cow Halloween Costume and matching Mad Milkmaid Halloween Costume into its lineup.

I said it then and I'll say it again, "I don’t think we’ve sufficiently dealt with calamitous infectious diseases on a global scale enough to be poking fun at ‘em. I mean, come on! What’s next… Sick Birds? Ebola Monkeys?" Belorussian Vol queried, “What’s the weird thing on the cow’s pee pee?" And that's coming from someone who eats a heck of a lot of funky dairy.