Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #154

Cock-a-doodle doo! You're sure gonna be heckled in this Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume. More snicker-worthy than a red South Carolina Gamecocks cap, the Rooster Hat Costume appears to be regurgitating a mighty happy Joe.  Yuck!  Bird lover?  Penis envy?  Just a douche?  I really don't want to figure this one out so strut on right back from where you came from, Feathers.

Clapping Cymbal Toy Monkey Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #150

The Clapping Monkey Halloween Costume most derangely illustrates the wrath which any right-minded house dog exhibits when tearing into the mangey fur of a chirping simian toy.  I know.  I've witnessed it first hand.  And this monkey, with its mini-cymbals (the most annoying percussing instrument outside of the triangle), red striped inmate/elf pants, doofus red cap and constipated expression is a true study in freakdom.  Only a bona fide sociopath would don this tailed costume.

Card Shark Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #148

Hee hee, a shark is devouring a compulsive gambler in the Card Shark Halloween Costume. I mean, AHEM. Shark attacks are a serious world-wide problem afflicting legions of stoned surfers everyday. Lest we not forget man's rightful place at the top of the food chain, RIP Crocodile Hunter. Actually, the Card Shark Halloween Costume is a rare instance where an idiom is clearly and humorously illustrated, save for the wee-bit-too-lame deck of cards on the shark's flippers.  The Card Shark Halloween Costume has another advantage of mostly hiding the wearer's featurers.  Even in the chance that he is a tool with an ingratiating sense of humor, you won't have to look at him. CHOMP.

Sewer Rat Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #143
I generally abhor life-size animal costumes for their cloying attempts to cuddle us to death but I detest the Sewer Rat Halloween Costume for a completely different reason... it's just so greasy. Taking a page out of a condemned KFC playbook, Sewer Rat dons a wife-beater shirt for added authenticity. All too reminiscent of one of the most hated characters from children's literature - Templeton from Charlotte's Web. The head emerging from the mouth also evokes a powerful gag reflex.

Big Top Circus Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #139
Yup, this winner's got Ringling Brothers red-striped big top tent wrapped around his groin with an elephant trunk protruding where a happy oh-no-he-didn't might be. Guys, really, y'all are way to obsessed with your own equipment and to associate it with a family-fun circus? Ew. Crowds are going to skip the shows in all three rings. Seriously, Dumbo would not approve.

Penguin Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #135

Um, those cute March of the Penguins and Happy Feet movies are how old now? For the love of all that's natural, please, waddle where nobody can see you in the Ginormous Penguin Halloween Costume. Ever seen that episode of Cheaters where the cheater is busted in the Bumble Bee costume at Halloween? It's about as attractive as that, oversized red bow tie or not.

Camel Toe Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #121

The Camel Toe Halloween Costume (Camille Toe Halloween Costume) is also known as Camille Toe. Although the Camel Toe Halloween Costume uses a nice color palette with its lime-green, dark-rose color scheme, the ill-fitting aerobics outfit, complete with cleavage-peekage really is just not an effective theme for the costume. Camel Toes are funny because of the inopportune ways that some clothing fits unsuspecting people in real-life settings - like a pair of too-tight trousers on the vajayjay of an english teacher. Unless you're a real sociopath, nobody getting down with exercise is going to be peering around at their compadres camel toes during Sweatin' to the Oldies. And if you're a serious exercise buff, my guess is your spandex will be nicely shaping your form eliminating the camel toe problem. Besides, those Jane Fonda workout suits are more known for their major wedgies than their camel toes.

Champion Cock Fighter Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #109

From the 2007 Archives:

Thanks to Raisenette for the 11th Hour tip of the Champion Cock Fighter Halloween Costume. I chose Champion Cock for the King of all Inappropriateness because it is hideously ugly, abnormal, topical and ethically repugnant. The obvious – as per the case of Michael Vic, animal fights for sport are, to say the least, culturally unacceptable in the mighty USA. You’re definitely going to need those boxing gloves if you wear this costume, son, because you’re going to get your ass whooped. And on a sportsmanship note, what’s up with the cracked-out chicken eyes? Someone’s been drugging before the big match again. And traveling a little further, the human-like abs… what the hell is this thing anyway? I’m so far lost in its mire I can barely peck my way out. Dang, it’s like Chernobyl at the Perdue Plant.

Tropical Gorilla Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes #106
From the 2007 Archives:

The Tropical Gorilla Halloween Costume is an existential exercise in the intersection of global cultures. Why is an African gorilla wearing Polynesian coconuts and Western dungarees? Did the Planet of the Apes take a vacation? The heck if I know but it looks like it’s having a whale of a time and I gotta be down with that. Pass the Mai Tais, Kong.

Dog Shalom Rabbi Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume#105

From the 2007 Archives:

I like this Dog Shalom Rabbi Halloween Costume because the royal blue yarmulke and Star of David sash perfectly complement the weimaraner’s skin tone and somber expression. The dachshund, however, is just plain ridiculous.

Sherlock Holmes Golfer Halloween Costume for Dog

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #104

From the 2007 Archives:

Have to domesticate, I mean, humiliate your house beast? Try this Sherlock Holmes Halloween Costume for dogs. Actually, I think it’s really an outfit for pups ready to hit the links. Either way, with the tartan tam and bow tie, Sherlock Dog wistfully reminds me of Greyfriars Bobby. Bloody hell, it’s wrong but so precious.

The Sherlock Holmes Halloween Costume is available from Target.

Crazy Cat Lady Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #99

From the 2007 Archives:

Crazy Cat Ladies are naturally scary and demented and shouldn’t be exploited even if they pass out weird Halloween treats like figs or kibble and you don’t really want to solicit their houses but end up on their porch ‘cuz the older kids dare you. Heaven forbid a Crazy Cat Lady Costume should meet a real Crazy Cat Lady. The universe might implode in a giant hairball. What both Cat Ladies have in common are a disheveled sense of simplicity. The lines and modernist colors of this nutty wardrobe immediately grab the eye. While the cat heads are abnormal, they quite nicely circularly accent the salmon pink robe. And cognitive recognition won’t pose a problem. Everyone can spot (and smell) a Crazy Cat Lady from miles away. Meow.

Nice Beaver Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #98

From the 2007 Archives:

If you don’t understand the double entendre of the Nice Beaver Halloween Costume then you’re too young to be reading this post. But really, the Beaver Costume looks like it’s crafted from high quality materials and that’s the first step to appropriateosity. I like this get-up in a very DEAD ALIVE, wrong but funny, way. Attitude is everything in animal costumes – cool, confident and relaxed is the only way to go.

The Nice Beaver Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's Halloween.

Enormous Holiday Christmas Bear Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #97


From the 2007 Archives:

Forget cute and cuddly, this jacked bear scares the crap out of me. Overlook the holiday-inappropriate Santa hat and the enormous ’80s bow on the collar, the black leather Hell’s Angels vest and tough paw winds up for a hearty bitch slap. A walking animatronic nightmare.

The Ginormous Holiday Christmas Bear is available from Halloween Costumes 4U.

Dog Mermaid Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #96

From the 2007 Archives:

I haven’t seen anything this cryptozoologically incorrect since Cheetah and Ma saw that ostrich-grizzly last summer. Costume + Pets = Bad. Costumes Restricting Hindquarter Mobility + Pets= Worse. A great new cause for Ellen.

The Dog Mermaid Halloween Costume is available from Ebay.

Harem Concubine Halloween Costume for Dogs

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #87

From the 2007 Archives:

It’s one thing for you to slut it up for Halloween but must you drag your dog into it? The Harem-Concubine-Belly Dancer Dog Halloween Costume (and photograph, for that matter) is plain dog porn horrific. Like Paris Hilton, this dog’s beauty is destroyed by indulgent over-crapccessorizing. It’s time for a revolution. Say no to puppy mills and say no to Harem Dog!

Christmas Holiday Santa Cat Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #83
From the 2007 Archives:

Who says this cat kills its owner in his sleep? Nothing chimes Holiday Spirit less than a feline in a Santa hat and matching holly scarf. Be prepared for a Dickensian intervention. Tip #1: Nobody will fawn over your Christmas cat. They will be too busy questioning your mental soundness. Tip #2: If your cat tolerates this outfit, what you own is not a cat.

Suicide Bomber Watch Dog Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #82
From the 2007 Archives:

So the official name of this Halloween costume is “Watch Dog” but whom are we kidding? This outfit is straight up modern suicide bomber. Yeah, this costume is future-weapons scary but like your dog’s going to get confiscated, arrested and sent to GitMo, blown up in a counter-terrorism move and/or become a martyr/poster mutt for the jihad. And look at this poor pooch’s face. He knows he’s about to be sent into dangerous territory. It’s not his fault that he’s innately predisposed to trade his life for the Milkbone sign up bonus. ALALALALA! Someone contact the ASPCA/United Nations ASAP!

Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #81

From the 2007 Archives:

The Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume squeals poor sense of humor and is ideal perfect for anyone who ever dressed up for “Pajama Day” during their high school’s Spirit Week. That is, not I. This fellow’s endearing expression enhances the creep factor of this Halloween costume as I so find the appetizer Pigs in a Blanket likewise macabre. I am certain, actually, that Pigs in a Blanket, Beanie Weenie, Cocktail Wieners (all served at Strassies’ picnics) are a leading contributor to my herbivorism. While I like pigs as animals, enjoy the movie BABE and admit that this costume is zoologically correct (pigs like to burrow in things such as blankets and straw), I just can’t get behind a costume or person that would promote a freakish appetizer in such a cuddly fashion.

Race Horse and Jockey Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #75

From the 2007 Archives:

Er, parents, please don’t let your kids or neighbors see you out and about on the cul-de-sac in these weird Race Horse and Jockey Halloween Costumes, unless you want to reveal your S&M and bondage fetishes. Look at dad’s subservient pose to mom’s feisty domination. Dang, lock these people right up in the Hellfire Club.