Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #152

Look, okay, some of us Froshes didn't gain 15 pounds from beer guzzling, like the Freshman Fifteen 15 Halloween Costume suggests.  Maybe the jerks in administration thought that it was okay to take $40,000 a year from us while feeding us carb-loaded slop.  The Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume features a muffin top spilling over a peek-a-boo thonged miniskirt that was popular, oh, like 8 years ago.  Sure, you'll see plenty of midriffs and skin at those ever-packed freshman keggers but, especially in winter, most of those poor lasses will be huddled together, shivering and wondering how come the kollege let in so many geeks and gee, frat boys are kinda gross.  Seriously, this looks like something Steve (Ian Ziering) would have been forced to wear in his K.E.G party boy ways during the last season of the original Beverly Hills 90210.

Anorexia Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #147

The Anorexia Halloween Costume (Anna Rexia Halloween Costume) is the ultimate exploitation of disturbing diseases.  Some companies also refer to this costume as the Nicole Riche Halloween Costume which is just plain wrong.  The Anorexia Halloween Costume exploits serious social, psychological and physical illness and all under the guise of a skeleton-plastered nurse's uniform.  Medical professionals can sometimes wield their knowledge to become the sickest, most hypochondriacal ones of the bunch but unless the wearer of the Anorexia Halloween Costume is stick-thin, these duds will just appear to be from the Graveyard ER collection.  Another example of a play on words not quite translating in the visual realm.

Octomom Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #144

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume posits Nadya Suleman, America's favorite baby-obsessed, collagen-friendly, Angelina Jolie-lookalike, with Mrs. Brad Pitt's star-making turn as Laura Croft in Tomb Raider. Octomom features plastic tubby babies - presumably ammunition for or against the paparazzi and social services - affixed to the most bad-ass snugly ever... a criss-crossing ass-kicking bandolier which is perfect for anyone refusing to take nature's no for an answer.

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Scarface Tony Montana Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #142

The Scarface / Tony Montana Halloween Costume is the quintessential college man's milieux, right up there with beer pong, corn nuts and illegal hazing... that is, way overplayed. Heavens knows why we need to glorify the thug life,l even with someone as sharply dressed as Tony. Guaranteed, if you show up to the party as this guy, you'll meet at least five others. So if you want to sail around South Beach, you'd better be damn sure you're the most smokin' one if you ever want to score an Elvira.

Trophy Wife Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #141

A Trophy Wife Halloween Costume? Like gag me with a martini olive. That is so 1980s. Really, it's the year of the cougar, baby. The Trophy Wife Halloween Costume places a Dynasty-esque creature on a literal "trophy" base and has poor blondie confined like some pathetic American Gigolo reject. Let's hope Trophy Wife is someone's bad idea of a joke or else y'all need to get off of your yacht and go straight to the therapist's chair.

A perfect portrayal of The Real Housewives of... Orange County, Atlanta, Yellowknife, wherever.

Party in My Pants Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #138

The Party In My Pants Halloween makes a most creepily trash-tastic pairing of rainbow balloons and ten-for-a-dolla white skivvies. A low-brow representation of a low-brow idiom, Party In My Pants guarantees to clear the room faster than a nerd in the girls' locker room. With its perverse clown stylings, the only exposure Party In My Pants is going to get is run and hide the children kind. Mark my RSVP as no way, Jose!

Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #137

Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume. Mamma mia! Stay out of the cucina! The Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume, served right by the outfitter's Long John Silver, exploits the stereotype that Italian men are nothing more than a raging tube of carnal appetites. Craftily delivered by a smiling dark-haired guido in a "Longuini" apron, the Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume distorts perfectly delicious Italian cuisine and serves it up in a coming-on-way-too-strong manner directly from the streets of Roma. Oh dio.

Sarah Palin Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #136

Oh women politicians, are we ever going to take you seriously? With the suggestive Sarah Palin Huntress Halloween Costume, the answer is no way, babe. Setting human decency back to pre-Neandratholic times, this short-dress-rifle combo is an exercise in ridiculousness. Propagating the inherent mental challenges of game hunters, the Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is asking to be run back to Russia. 'cause that's next to Alaska, right? I mean, sheesh, with such a little bitty hemline inappropriate for any outdoor sport, it'd be more uncomfortable than a teen pregnancy scandal, trooper firing scandal, intelligence scandal... you take your pick. I'd remark that this costume is out of mode but it's just like the lady herself... annoyingly resurgent.

The Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Cotume #134

I'll take a double. If an underwear-on-the-outside with tights super hero costume wasn't adequately indicative of drunkery, the Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume brings all the elements of terrible frat party icon-worship to an obvious head. Beerman totes a sixpack and has a holster of beers in reserve tethered to his waist. The bright yellow wristbands and leg warmers are a bit of a mystery but I guess you can't expect sharp stylings from a boozehound. The bad Bono beer goggle-mask? I don't think all the beer in the world can make those look like a good idea.

Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #131

"My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." At least the Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume isn't nearly as annoying as the Fergie song. Actually, I like the Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume which cheekily turns funny slang into an amusing costume. Junk in the Trunk starts by over-accentuating the badonkadonk, adding an awful faux zebra-geometric print dress and finishing it off with a tacky rear-end trunk compartment complete with license plate, giving the whole ensemble a Jersey girl just arrived in Vegas feel. Will Joe Schmo viewer get that it's a Junk in the Trunk? Well, you have fun explaining it to him. The Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume is available from Costume Kingdom.

Way High Patrol Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #129

Hey, mon, any 420-friendly ganja-lovers won't have the brain processing power to get that the Rastafarian highway patrol man is really a Way High Highway Patrolman Halloween Costume. The "Way-High" marijuana leaf patch is a nice clue but the synthetic dreads may distract stoned readers as fondle-friendly locks. Unfortunately, this fun-loving Super Trooper looks more like an albino Caribbean porter than in any relaxed law-enforcement trade.

Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume Wig

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #128

I agree, Kate Gosselin, and the other face of Cerberus, Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate plus Eight are creepy, slimy and scary but do they need any more publicity with the Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume wig? The Labor Commission says NO! This Halloween Costume is almost as worse as the time kids trick-or-treated around my college campus as Patsy Ramsey.

Illegal Alien Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #125
The Illegal Alien Halloween Costume packs a double-whammy punch of social crises into one orange get up. This Illegal Alien picks up where the Martian G Halloween Costume left off. We're not sure how the Alien ended up in the pokey, be it sneaking his UFO into the atmosphere or just exhibiting an all around bad communist attitude, but anyway you slice it, the dude's just not legit.

Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #123

The Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume is great... if you want to get pummeled. Halloween is a time of fun escapism and running around as this nation's preeminent poster grandpa of corruption and pyramid schemes is just way too skin-crawly scary. Know what it's like to get hit in the face by a sack of pennies? 'cause that's what you're in for.

Flasher Granny Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #112

From the 2007 Archives:

Apparently the industry lacks a learning curve as someone’s gotten into the plungers and moldy Easy Cheese again. Flasher Granny also comes in a Flasher Gramps version. A few years ago my Aunt JoJo was flashed by a geezer on a Florida beach. And yo, NOBODY wanted to see that.  True funny stands on its own.  Shock isn’t necessary.  So pull up those knee-highs and keep it buttoned up!

The Flasher Granny Halloween Costume is available from Halloween Fashions.

Crazy Cat Lady Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #99

From the 2007 Archives:

Crazy Cat Ladies are naturally scary and demented and shouldn’t be exploited even if they pass out weird Halloween treats like figs or kibble and you don’t really want to solicit their houses but end up on their porch ‘cuz the older kids dare you. Heaven forbid a Crazy Cat Lady Costume should meet a real Crazy Cat Lady. The universe might implode in a giant hairball. What both Cat Ladies have in common are a disheveled sense of simplicity. The lines and modernist colors of this nutty wardrobe immediately grab the eye. While the cat heads are abnormal, they quite nicely circularly accent the salmon pink robe. And cognitive recognition won’t pose a problem. Everyone can spot (and smell) a Crazy Cat Lady from miles away. Meow.

Child Bride Halloween Costume for Kids

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #93

From the 2007 Archives:

Um… Conservative and creepy and primeval all at the same time with the Child Bride Halloween Costume. If your child wants, above all else, to be a bride this Halloween, rethink how your parenting techniques. You’re setting Biffy up for a lifetime of disappointments and bad choices.

The Child Bride Halloween Costume is availalbe from Lillian Vernon.

Fat Cheerleader Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #92

From the 2007 Archives:

Straight from an episode of Dr. Phil, a question of scruples plumps out in the Fat Cheerleader Halloween Costume. One one hand, we shouldn’t be maligning attempts for big-boned ladies to shake their groove thang but on the other hand, we shouldn’t be stoking the obesity epidemic. But no matter how you shake it, nobody (except chubby chasers who’ll loathe your false temptations) wants to see a blobular gut hanging over a retro cheerleader’s skirt. (Straight from Rydell High, yes?) Your only choice? Just don’t do it.

The Fat Cheerleader Halloween Costume is available from Halloween Express.

Trailer Park King Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #85

From the 2007 Archives:

What is the lowest common denominator? Those on the bottom rungs of the socioeconomic ladder or those choosing to exploit those on the bottom rungs of the socioeconomic ladder? You know whom I vote for. Let’s examine this revolting Trailer Park King Halloween Costume: “blue-collar” coveralls, a trucker hat, a white undershirt, a pot belly and some pretty fly boots. Inconsistently insulting. And I don’t know if anyone’s been to a trailer park recently, but some of those trailers are frickin’ sweet rides. Not just for hurricanes anymore, folks.

Shaggy Hippie Scooby Doo Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #84
From the 2007 Archives:

And your kid is representing your 420-loving proclivities and wistfulness of the days of yore. Come on, Johnny’s ability to think beyond the scope of corporate mass marketing disappeared 20 years ago. It’s all about artificial struggles (Transformers / Halo 3) this year. So we know that this kid’s inappropriate Scooby Doo Halloween costume is all his capitalist hippie parents’ doing. I mean not even the wind-blown wig is authentic. Anyone who knows anything about Scooby Doo knows that Shaggy sported a much Nappier ‘do. Zoinks.