Dick in a Box Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #153

One, you make a hole in the box... The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume pays homage to the viral SNL digital short starring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake as a junk-obsessed 90's ballading boy band. I don't know if it's too ridiculous for my tastes by the Dick in the Box sketch only hooked me with the "no hands" construction of the shiny-bowed package.  I prefer "Motherlover" 10 to 1.  The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume is an almost-but-not-quite choice for those nerds with a discerning sense of humor wanting to impress the middle class everywhere.

Anita Waxing (I Need a Waxing) Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #145

Let's go Europe, let's go! The Anita Waxing Halloween Costume (I Need a Waxing) proudly displays a noticeably suspicious mop of fluffiness tumbling out of the southern regions of a bright red swimsuit / unitard in the manner of "female" Eastern European Olympiads circa 1985. Perfect for feminist-loving, anti-Brazilian males who've never laid eyes on a Victoria's Secret catalog. With this version's life guard / Baywatch-bright swimsuit, the whole costume is a complete Pam Anderson meets Grizzly Adams magnificence.

Note:  the LeAnn Rimes wig is sold separately.

Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume Wig

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #128

I agree, Kate Gosselin, and the other face of Cerberus, Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate plus Eight are creepy, slimy and scary but do they need any more publicity with the Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume wig? The Labor Commission says NO! This Halloween Costume is almost as worse as the time kids trick-or-treated around my college campus as Patsy Ramsey.

Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #126

Dude. The election's over. Joe the Plumber is barely making it on the small town Republican speech circuit and has no business in the Halloween Mix. Forget the coverallicious Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume, its 15 minutes is over.

The Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's.

Tara Reid Wardrobe Malfunction Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #111

From the 2007 Archives:

This Tara Reid Halloween Costume also goes by the name “Wardrobe Malfunction” but it looks suspiciously like one of Tara Reid’s more publicized red carpet moments. Pokes fun at celebrities under the influence, poor fashion sense and bad business management when these issues should be taken very seriously. Please don’t expose your children to this.

The Tara Reid / Wardrobe Malfunction Halloween Costume is available from Easleys.

Baby Elvis Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #103

From the 2007 Archives:

No denying, this baby in the Elvis Baby Halloween Costume is bad ass. And don’t you dare make fun of the ill-fitting Mr. T ‘do. Elvis baby is taking care of business and you better deal with it. Just ask the snarl. I love it..

Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #88

From the 2007 Archives:

The Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume, pre-Trim Spa bulging hot pink one-piece paired with platinum ‘do, says more than enough. Listen, I was never a fan of the woman but sometimes we’ve got to rise above and not kick ‘em when they're down. Or dead.

The Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume is available from Costumes 4 Less.

Shaggy Hippie Scooby Doo Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #84
From the 2007 Archives:

And your kid is representing your 420-loving proclivities and wistfulness of the days of yore. Come on, Johnny’s ability to think beyond the scope of corporate mass marketing disappeared 20 years ago. It’s all about artificial struggles (Transformers / Halo 3) this year. So we know that this kid’s inappropriate Scooby Doo Halloween costume is all his capitalist hippie parents’ doing. I mean not even the wind-blown wig is authentic. Anyone who knows anything about Scooby Doo knows that Shaggy sported a much Nappier ‘do. Zoinks.

Jack Osbourne Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #77

From the 2007 Archives:

The price on this horror upon horrors Jack Osborne Halloween Costume has dropped from $28.00 to $6.00 and that should be a warning to all you Yanks. Those horrid Osbournes were so 4 years (and in Jack’s case, 50 lbs and many bad hairstyles) ago. Of course, you could modify this with a lip ring, bible and cap for a Revolution Church-Jay Bakker look.

Magnum PI / Tom Selleck Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #55

From the 2006 Archives:

You just can’t fight Tom Selleck’s suave debonair in this Magnum PI Halloween Costume. Tommy Boy’s making a real comeback via cable reruns of that perennial favorite, Magnum PI. At least according to my 12-year-old-cousin. Gotta love the tropics. But if you’re going to be rocking this costume, please find a better mustache. And beware, those not digging Magnum may mistake you for a Caribbean drug smuggler. Which on second thought, makes this getup very Halloween appropriate.

The Magnum PI / Tom Selleck Halloween Costume is available from Costume Craze.

Sebastian Bach Heavy Metal Halloween Costume Wig

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #52
From the 2006 Archives:

Picture a suburban Mom or Dad gettin’ all duded up in one of these Sebastian Bach Halloween Costume Wigs and the doorbell chimes. Mom or Dad grabs the bowl of Tootsie Pops and greets the neighborhood trick or treaters who grab the candy, take one look at Mom or Dad, chortle and vow to return at midnight to TP the house. Why? Because unless you’re getting ready for just another Saturday night at the Rainbow, this costume will carbon-date you. And if you’re carbon-dated, you’re square. Except if you’re 70+ then you return to cool.

(Now if your heart is set on the Sebastian Bach Glam Rock wig, you can flex your brain and incorporate it into a collective Stars Hallow Supergroup costume featuring Gil, Kirk, Michel, Miss Patty, Taylor and Mrs. Kim. And then I will bow down before you and extend great tidings.)

Reno 911 Lt. Dangle Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #50

From the 2006 Archives:

Look closely, Lt. Dangle is made out of pleather. God bless the man that’s comfortable in hot-pants and is brave enough to parade about in this Lt. Dangle Reno 911 Halloween Costume of greatness. (Particularly if your audience is, shall we say, unfamiliar with the Reno gem.)

Television Set TV Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #42

From the 2006 Archives;

First of all, this Television TV Set Halloween Costume is of very poor construction. You can easily make a better one with black paint, tin foil and couple slabs of cardboard. This costume truly spotlights the wearer’s ego centrism. And what a way to celebrate your needy ego in an out-dated (rabbit ears!), shoddily crafted idiot-box. Perhaps if you paired a TV costume with an evil politician mask (your choice) and a pitchfork you might be saying SOMETHING. But as is, this costume is a disgrace to craftsmanship everywhere.

Dog The Bounty Hunter and Beth The Bounty Hunter Halloween Costumes

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #1

From the 2006 Archives:


One of the many catalogs The Oriental Trading Company spams me with every month shows up in the mail. I thumb through, checking if any of their products are high-quality enough to warrant purchase for my business. Nope. However, a particular section captures my interest… the Halloween Costumes. Their costume selections truly set the bar for tacky and inappropriate. And this is coming from someone whose scary ex-model Viola Swamp of a 5th grade teacher Ms. Bezold wore a jaw dropping, cover your eyes kids, sexy piratess outfit to our elementary school’s Halloween parade. A kid also trick-or-treated my parents' house dressed as the Unabomber. Out of his entire route that night, my Pop was the only one who correctly guessed his costume. Way to go Pops!


Among the Halloween Costume selections The Oriental Trading Company is peddling to consumers are matching Dog The Bounty Hunter and Beth The Bounty Hunter outfits, based on the A&E television show. In September [of 2006] Dog was arrested per the Mexican government for illegally bounty hunting in the country relative to the capture of serial rapist Andrew Luster. Although this [was] my top pick for Mikey and Vol's Halloween Costume for 2006, let's face it, if that load of black plastic and peroxide mullets showed up on your front stoop, I rather think you'd be fearing trick rather than treat. Both the Dog and Beth costumes come with knives with leg straps.


[Note: The charges against Dog were eventually dropped. But then came Dog's inappropriate racial tirade...]