Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #155

Shoddy, painted grocery bag-like construction informs the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume. Dated, outside of aging baby-boomers, the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume is lay-it-on-the-tracks lame. These days, it's all about Wicked and soylent green Elfaba. This yellow-bellied costume is possibly successful when paired with high-quality Dorothy, the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Toto, et. al, and for over-the-top, freakish pictorals of Elton John songs.

Cock Block Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #151

The Cock Block Halloween Costume most disturbingly marries cavalier suggestive slang with a children's toy. On no he didn't! In this case, however, I think the average viewer may just understand the effect you're going for because, indeed, wearing a baby's alphabet block around town is potent a sexual deterrent. Nice rooster cock detailing on block face. But does the wearer have to look so dang surly? I'd go with a more pouty-frustrated look.

Anorexia Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #147

The Anorexia Halloween Costume (Anna Rexia Halloween Costume) is the ultimate exploitation of disturbing diseases.  Some companies also refer to this costume as the Nicole Riche Halloween Costume which is just plain wrong.  The Anorexia Halloween Costume exploits serious social, psychological and physical illness and all under the guise of a skeleton-plastered nurse's uniform.  Medical professionals can sometimes wield their knowledge to become the sickest, most hypochondriacal ones of the bunch but unless the wearer of the Anorexia Halloween Costume is stick-thin, these duds will just appear to be from the Graveyard ER collection.  Another example of a play on words not quite translating in the visual realm.

50 Cent Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #146

Move over Eminem Halloween Costume, there's a new white rapper in town. Check out the 50 Cent - Fitty Cent Halloween Costume and be the envy of your cul-de-sac. Crafted in lovely dull-gray foam, the 50 Cent Halloween Costume features a bullet-ridden goateed Babe Ruth in baseball cap on the squishy coin.  Be sure to wear your own do-rag and snarl as you strut around Creamcheese, USA but watch out for the neighborhood brats with BB guns 'cuz you know a couple kids out there will want to make this outfit way realistic!  Ain't no amount of Vitamin Water gonna save you now, homes.

Anita Waxing (I Need a Waxing) Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #145

Let's go Europe, let's go! The Anita Waxing Halloween Costume (I Need a Waxing) proudly displays a noticeably suspicious mop of fluffiness tumbling out of the southern regions of a bright red swimsuit / unitard in the manner of "female" Eastern European Olympiads circa 1985. Perfect for feminist-loving, anti-Brazilian males who've never laid eyes on a Victoria's Secret catalog. With this version's life guard / Baywatch-bright swimsuit, the whole costume is a complete Pam Anderson meets Grizzly Adams magnificence.

Note:  the LeAnn Rimes wig is sold separately.

Party in My Pants Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #138

The Party In My Pants Halloween makes a most creepily trash-tastic pairing of rainbow balloons and ten-for-a-dolla white skivvies. A low-brow representation of a low-brow idiom, Party In My Pants guarantees to clear the room faster than a nerd in the girls' locker room. With its perverse clown stylings, the only exposure Party In My Pants is going to get is run and hide the children kind. Mark my RSVP as no way, Jose!

Way High Patrol Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #129

Hey, mon, any 420-friendly ganja-lovers won't have the brain processing power to get that the Rastafarian highway patrol man is really a Way High Highway Patrolman Halloween Costume. The "Way-High" marijuana leaf patch is a nice clue but the synthetic dreads may distract stoned readers as fondle-friendly locks. Unfortunately, this fun-loving Super Trooper looks more like an albino Caribbean porter than in any relaxed law-enforcement trade.

Good in the Sack Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #122

The Good in the Sack Halloween Costume reeks of support group escapee. Any Tom, Dick and Harry that utilizes Halloween to tout their bedroom skills is a sure dud.  Inherently contradictory, Good in the Sack is a visually unexciting affliction with its  brown paper bag and annoying contrasty "Hello" sticker.  Good in the Sack is only good for holding trash.

Down for the Count Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #117

From the 2007 Archives:

A big thanks to inside tipster “A” for this one. Complex costume includes a cape, shirt and vest, nude pants with dropped trousers, and a lingerie-wearing inflatable doll. Hope you’re prepared for total immobility because there is no way you’re going to be able to walk in Down for the Count. And be prepared to keep company with inflatable dolls for a REALLY long time, chicks don’t dig misogyny.  Or puns.

The Down for the Count Halloween Costume is available at Halloween Street.

A Knight to Remember Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #116

From the 2007 Archives:

A Knight to Remember? Nah. Penis envy galore. Lower the mudflap. The sword is phallic enough. Another perfect example of how a good costume is ruined by a large schlong.

The A Knight to Remember Halloween Costume is available from Amazon.

Big Pussy Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #115

From the 2007 Archives:

Bet-loser. Stop cutesy smiling and go find your Tricky Dick.  You belong together.  Who would even buy one of these things?  A transgendered person trying to work out their  psychological issues via a misguided notion about what it means to be an XX?  Even that’s pushing it.  Sheesh.

The Big Pussy Halloween Costume is available from Nawty Things.

Bad Santa Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #107

From the 2007 Archives:

The Klaus in the Bad Santa Halloween Costume be downing major Haterade and I’m a sucker for monochromes. The clangly bell, touching on sketchy Salvation Army wheelings and dealings (Really, they lawyered up against Pop Pop’s loaded friend – angry at their mere 10% cut – after he left the bulk of his estate to his son, and threatened to bankrupt the estate if they didn’t get more, more, more! The SA’s threats, sadly, were effective.) integrates a sophisticated shade of foulness into an already damnable costume. Bah Humbug Santa isn’t jolly-portly like his red and white counterpart. Rather, he’s an indulgent but fun-loving rough rider who’d assuredly pop you one if you got on the wrong side of his sleigh. Bad Santa is anti-holiday and dang satisfied!

The Bad Santa Halloween Costume is available from Halloween Costumes 4U.

Horny Bastard Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #91

From the 2007 Archives:

The Horny Bastard Halloween Costume merges the worst bits of the “This is My Costume” T-shirts with post-pubescent humor. A costume that isn’t a costume heralding literal lameness, Horny Bastard is too stupid and smug to be threatening. That is, perfect for a Prep who wants to slum it up this holiday by going dirty anti-establishment. Of course we all know that anyone shirking creativity (especially on Halloween!) commits a cardinal sin and should be immediately placed upon the seat of honor in the carnival dunk tank to be thrown upon the mercy of a wrathful society.

Suicide Bomber Watch Dog Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #82
From the 2007 Archives:

So the official name of this Halloween costume is “Watch Dog” but whom are we kidding? This outfit is straight up modern suicide bomber. Yeah, this costume is future-weapons scary but like your dog’s going to get confiscated, arrested and sent to GitMo, blown up in a counter-terrorism move and/or become a martyr/poster mutt for the jihad. And look at this poor pooch’s face. He knows he’s about to be sent into dangerous territory. It’s not his fault that he’s innately predisposed to trade his life for the Milkbone sign up bonus. ALALALALA! Someone contact the ASPCA/United Nations ASAP!

Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #81

From the 2007 Archives:

The Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume squeals poor sense of humor and is ideal perfect for anyone who ever dressed up for “Pajama Day” during their high school’s Spirit Week. That is, not I. This fellow’s endearing expression enhances the creep factor of this Halloween costume as I so find the appetizer Pigs in a Blanket likewise macabre. I am certain, actually, that Pigs in a Blanket, Beanie Weenie, Cocktail Wieners (all served at Strassies’ picnics) are a leading contributor to my herbivorism. While I like pigs as animals, enjoy the movie BABE and admit that this costume is zoologically correct (pigs like to burrow in things such as blankets and straw), I just can’t get behind a costume or person that would promote a freakish appetizer in such a cuddly fashion.

Royal Flush Urinal Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #70

From the 2007 Archives:

Um, this Royal Flush Urinal Halloween Costume comes with a “plastic working urinal” so I guess whoever is bold/stupid enough to wear this horrid outfit better be prepared to get peed on. And like my fourth grade teacher used to say, it’s better to get pissed off than pissed on. Poor humored frattie, wait ’til all the red cups are empty and your bros have had their way with you, you might be able to score some action from the drunk and slutty genie in the corner… or a gambling addict.

The Royal Flush Urinal Halloween Costume is available from Halloween Store.

Hung Like a Horse Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #40

From the 2006 Archives:

For reasons I’ll never understand, the Hung Like a Horse Halloween Costume is sold out all over the internet except at All Costumes which appears to have a few left in stock. But really, why bother? We might as well call Hung Like a Horse the Napoleon Complex. That is, those that doth flaunt are those that doth lack. And it’s a bit pervy, really, to have your Johnson so comfortably nestled against an equine head. Cheesy, bestiality sodomite, ick. Lock ‘em up, Animal Cops.

Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #33

From the 2006 Archives:

Congratulations, dude in the Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume, you're a walking Jimmy Buffet song... and yet I am almost certain that Buffet fans will have no idea what this happy-go-lucky Hamburgler/tropical shirt combo is inferring.  After all, peeps has got copyrights to worry about.  This costume garners more what the hells than oh yeahs.  Jimmy Buffet plus Halloween?  Nah.  Save it for Florida.

The Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume is available from Four Eyes Joke Shop.

One Night Stand Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #31

From the 2006 Archives:

Aw, how barf-tastic, The One Night Stand Halloween Costume delivers another cringe-worthy play on suggestive words words.  A freak-ish mash-up of saucy furniture from Beauty and the Beast, the leg lamp from A Christmas Story and the socks from Risky Business.  And if the lampshade head gear wasn't a beacon of an impending crash-and-burn enough, man, um, no it's just not going to happen tonight for you.

Man Baby Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #23

From the 2006 Archives:

This Big Man Baby Halloween Costume isn't so much Halloween Fun as it's an episode of The Jerry Springer Show.  Hence, you're not highlighting your sense of humor, you're accentuating your deep dark issues.  And nobody's gonna wanna touch that with a 10-foot-pole.  Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!

The Big Man Baby Halloween Costume is available from Star Costumes.