Marshmallow Peeps Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume#101

From the 2007 Archives:

I must confess. I like Just Born Marshmallow Peeps. I could easily down a tray or two of those sugary sweet slightly-stale squishy delights. (Of course I would feel bloated and nauseated afterwards but sometimes, like this costume, you gotta do what feels good NOW) The Marshmallow Peeps Halloween Costume is dorky but cute, bad for you but irresistible.

Fig Leaf Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #94

From the 2007 Archives:

Mea Culpa! Would you be able to identify the foliage in the Fig Leaf Halloween Costume if it came bopping ’round your ‘hood? Didn’t think so. Sure, you’d get extra points for being confident enough to dally around in those green tights but do you really want to embody the foliage most known for covering repressed jock areas? Enormous cartoon Mickey gloves fused with lost Fruit of the Loom mascot will only elicit a lot of Halloween “huh?”s.

Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #81

From the 2007 Archives:

The Pigs in a Blanket Halloween Costume squeals poor sense of humor and is ideal perfect for anyone who ever dressed up for “Pajama Day” during their high school’s Spirit Week. That is, not I. This fellow’s endearing expression enhances the creep factor of this Halloween costume as I so find the appetizer Pigs in a Blanket likewise macabre. I am certain, actually, that Pigs in a Blanket, Beanie Weenie, Cocktail Wieners (all served at Strassies’ picnics) are a leading contributor to my herbivorism. While I like pigs as animals, enjoy the movie BABE and admit that this costume is zoologically correct (pigs like to burrow in things such as blankets and straw), I just can’t get behind a costume or person that would promote a freakish appetizer in such a cuddly fashion.

Wheaties Box Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #76

From the 2007 Archives:

Oh Johnny, don’t you know that Halloween is a time to ditch your wholesome side for something more ghoulish? Okay, I’ll concede that if your parents are on the fence about the whole Satan-worshiping holiday thing then suggesting a tame costume might swing the pendulum to your side. But like, does anyone even eat Wheaties anymore? Wasn’t that an ’80s thing?

Corn Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #72
From the 2007 Archives:

I can totally picture some poor kid’s cheesy dad thinking that this is a good idea. Like he would think giving his kids root beer before bedtime is a good idea. Both have 0 nutritional value. And this one is likely to get him shucked and TP’d by the neighborhood hooligans. Sorry, pal, nobody’s going to be cross-pollinating you this Halloween.

Big Weenie Hotdog Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #71

From the 2007 Archives:

Yup, you got that right. At least the Big Weenie Halloween Costume Mask not on his hoo-ha. I don’t get these mask-only Halloween costumes. If you’re going to go out looking like an idiot, why not just go the whole nine yards with a full-body get up? The two eye holes in the hotdog bun ruin its proportions.

The Big Weenie Halloween Halloween Costume Mask is available from Fright Catalog.

Vodka Bottle Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #62

From the 2007 Archives:

I had real reservations about including this “totally” lame-ass Vodka Halloween Costume into this series, but thanks to Target promotion of egregious holiday boozing, it has vaulted into the file of corporate irresponsibility. Yes indeed, we can now easily identify the party’s biggest idiot... Keifer "Jack Bauer" Sutherland.

Hunger Pains Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #46

From the 2006 Archives:

If you’re expecting your adoring public to espy your costume and think, “Ah, hunger pains!”, you’re going to be waiting for a long, long time. But that doesn’t make it any less cool. The Hunger Pains Halloween Costume rocks great visuals and offers a double interpretation. Either a creature is bursting through your gut or your stomach is ready for some serious vengeance. Be sure, when you slap on hunger pains, to take a cue from the joe below. Your facial expression sets the mood for this gem.

Headless Chicken Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #44

From the 2006 Archives:

What does a headless chicken have to do with Halloween? Not much but the Headless Chicken Halloween Costume is still separably nifty. To really make this costume believable egregiously incorporate muscle spasms. And up the cute factor by trick-or-treating with an Alice Cooper. Or Colonel Sanders. You could dump a bunch of the separated heads into a KFC bucket for extra-scary appeal.

Deviled Egg Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #43

From the 2006 Archives:

From one rotten egg to another, the Deviled Egg Halloween Costume is a bit low-brow for a wow-able Halloween costume but it’s just so darn adorable that I can’t help but want to squeeze the yolk out of it. Keep an eye out for large mayonnaise jar and cutlery set.

Beer Keg Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #38

From the 2006 Archives:

Idiocracy now on tap with the Beer Keg Halloween Costume and all its foam glory. Particularly if you’re over 21.

Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #33

From the 2006 Archives:

Congratulations, dude in the Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume, you're a walking Jimmy Buffet song... and yet I am almost certain that Buffet fans will have no idea what this happy-go-lucky Hamburgler/tropical shirt combo is inferring.  After all, peeps has got copyrights to worry about.  This costume garners more what the hells than oh yeahs.  Jimmy Buffet plus Halloween?  Nah.  Save it for Florida.

The Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume is available from Four Eyes Joke Shop.

Pickle Vendor Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #32

From the 2006 Archives:

Pickle Vendor Halloween Costumes leaves a briny "huh" in one's mouth.  Are there even such things as pickle vendors anymore outside the streets of Eastern Eurasia?  If so, they certainly don't actually stand in the cask.  I understand that the costume wearer wants you to "honk his gurken" but this costume is so stupid and non-sensical, the wearer deserves a swift kick in the pimentos, instead.

Slim Jim Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #7

From the 2006 Archives:

Be prepared to sweat like a porker in the Slim Jim Halloween Costume. Bright yellow plasticky pants do not bode well for ventilation and are more suitable for target practice (like the tantalizing JERKy cap) or swamp mucking. Listen to safety reports - skip the processed "are they really meat?" shelf-life-to-infinity food stuffs, stop promoting the corporate fat cats and choose a costume with at least breathable fabrics. Your own Slim Jim will thank you for it.

Missing Child Milk Carton Mask Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #6

From the 2006 Archives:

Remember back in the '80s when the milk carton activism was all the rage? The Missing Man Milk Carton Halloween Costume recaptures the glory of those pre-Amber Alert days. And who doesn't recall the days of after-school special, don't talk to the man with the missing puppy, child kidnapping with a certain fondness? Exactly. Time to alert John Walsh. Seems like the person making fun of missing and exploited children on Halloween is just begging to get stuffed in the back of a white van, never to be seen again. Except maybe on Medium. Or Ghost Whisperer.

Lucky Charms Leprechaun Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #5

From the 2006 Archives:

It truly is amazing how many accoutrements marketed as Halloween-appropriate redefine tackiness, tactlessness and all-around bad taste. Case in point, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun Halloween Costume.

What a way to get in the ghoulish Halloween spirit with a colorfully bright green General Mills breakfast cereal mascot. The only way this ensemble would be at all of interest is if those purple horseshoes, yellow stars and blue moons were actually made of marshmallows. If I saw this thing skipping down the sidewalk, I would steal its bag of candy. Magically moronic.