Oompa Loompa Halloween Costume for Child

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #140


Yikes! As if the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory didn't do enough to distort the already freakish Oompa Loompas. That mistake of nature Willy Wonka himself couldn't do any more harm than getting entangled with the creepy Oompa Loompa population. While the new version loses the tri-tipped orange afros of yore, it adds a sharp, coldness to an already disturbing omnipotence. This child-size version of the futuristic evil space Oompa Loompas features a super shiny, surely non-breathable fabric. Snooty expression on child's face extra.

Disco Toddler Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #102

From the 2007 Archives:

Is the disco era really something we need to culturally immortalize? But my stars, this kid in the Disco Toddler Halloween Costume looks super fly in his fluffy afro, powder blue and sequined jumpsuit. The Hatchetheart melts just a little. My only suggestion, outfit Junior with some smooth white platforms.

Child Bride Halloween Costume for Kids

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #93

From the 2007 Archives:

Um… Conservative and creepy and primeval all at the same time with the Child Bride Halloween Costume. If your child wants, above all else, to be a bride this Halloween, rethink how your parenting techniques. You’re setting Biffy up for a lifetime of disappointments and bad choices.

The Child Bride Halloween Costume is availalbe from Lillian Vernon.

Special Forces Halloween Costume for Kids

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #86

From the 2007 Archives:

Trick or treat! Give me all of your @#$*(&! candy! Think you’d be scared if this Special Forces Halloween Costume for Kids came a knockin’? Tough! Special Forces Junior will throw tear gas through your window, break down your door and take whatever the Osama he wants anyway ’cause we know the squirt ain’t on any counter-terrorism missions. War! What is it good for? Besides injecting thuggish fear into law-abiding citizens, this Special Forces Costume for Kids flaunts illegally realistic firepower. Parents, use sound judgment. Take away Junior’s ATV and don’t buy him this ensemble!

Shaggy Hippie Scooby Doo Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #84
From the 2007 Archives:

And your kid is representing your 420-loving proclivities and wistfulness of the days of yore. Come on, Johnny’s ability to think beyond the scope of corporate mass marketing disappeared 20 years ago. It’s all about artificial struggles (Transformers / Halo 3) this year. So we know that this kid’s inappropriate Scooby Doo Halloween costume is all his capitalist hippie parents’ doing. I mean not even the wind-blown wig is authentic. Anyone who knows anything about Scooby Doo knows that Shaggy sported a much Nappier ‘do. Zoinks.

Wheaties Box Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #76

From the 2007 Archives:

Oh Johnny, don’t you know that Halloween is a time to ditch your wholesome side for something more ghoulish? Okay, I’ll concede that if your parents are on the fence about the whole Satan-worshiping holiday thing then suggesting a tame costume might swing the pendulum to your side. But like, does anyone even eat Wheaties anymore? Wasn’t that an ’80s thing?

Child Sumo Wrestler Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #30

From the 2006 Archives:

The Child Sumo Wrestler Halloween Costume celebrates chub with a little more grace and a thong.  But parents, have you not been listening to all Halloween safety warnings?  Razor blades in apples, crack in fun-size snickers?  Costumes that are non-reflective and immobile?  Do you even know how easy it would be to roll one of these little kid sumo wrestlers into the back seat of an unmarked white cargo van?  Please, use some common sense.  Say, "sayonara" to the Child Sumo Wrestler Halloween Costume.

Darth Vader Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #27
From the 2006 Archives:

The main purpose of the Darth Vader Halloween Costume for Kids is to pronounce the ineptitude of his (presumably geek) parents.  Come on, your kid is totally screwed if you start him out in life by swaddling him in the clothes of evil... and even more so if you shirt this Halloween costume for The Emperor Darth Sidious.