Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #152

Look, okay, some of us Froshes didn't gain 15 pounds from beer guzzling, like the Freshman Fifteen 15 Halloween Costume suggests.  Maybe the jerks in administration thought that it was okay to take $40,000 a year from us while feeding us carb-loaded slop.  The Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume features a muffin top spilling over a peek-a-boo thonged miniskirt that was popular, oh, like 8 years ago.  Sure, you'll see plenty of midriffs and skin at those ever-packed freshman keggers but, especially in winter, most of those poor lasses will be huddled together, shivering and wondering how come the kollege let in so many geeks and gee, frat boys are kinda gross.  Seriously, this looks like something Steve (Ian Ziering) would have been forced to wear in his K.E.G party boy ways during the last season of the original Beverly Hills 90210.

Scarface Tony Montana Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #142

The Scarface / Tony Montana Halloween Costume is the quintessential college man's milieux, right up there with beer pong, corn nuts and illegal hazing... that is, way overplayed. Heavens knows why we need to glorify the thug life,l even with someone as sharply dressed as Tony. Guaranteed, if you show up to the party as this guy, you'll meet at least five others. So if you want to sail around South Beach, you'd better be damn sure you're the most smokin' one if you ever want to score an Elvira.

Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Cotume #134

I'll take a double. If an underwear-on-the-outside with tights super hero costume wasn't adequately indicative of drunkery, the Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume brings all the elements of terrible frat party icon-worship to an obvious head. Beerman totes a sixpack and has a holster of beers in reserve tethered to his waist. The bright yellow wristbands and leg warmers are a bit of a mystery but I guess you can't expect sharp stylings from a boozehound. The bad Bono beer goggle-mask? I don't think all the beer in the world can make those look like a good idea.

Way High Patrol Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #129

Hey, mon, any 420-friendly ganja-lovers won't have the brain processing power to get that the Rastafarian highway patrol man is really a Way High Highway Patrolman Halloween Costume. The "Way-High" marijuana leaf patch is a nice clue but the synthetic dreads may distract stoned readers as fondle-friendly locks. Unfortunately, this fun-loving Super Trooper looks more like an albino Caribbean porter than in any relaxed law-enforcement trade.

Michael Phelps Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #120

Hello 2009!

The street name for the Michael Phelps Halloween Costume is Weedies (Wheaties). I originally didn't make the connection to the venerable gold-medal record-breaking Olympiad because the ears are just so huge on this scruffy guy. But on closer inspection, the medals around the neck, the goggles, the swimmer's cap and the bong in hand are telltale signs of the character. Now, the Michael Phelps Halloween Costume presents a conflicting twofold problem. One, parading around as a disgraced persona, a troubled athlete, a fallen media darling and jumping on the crazy "idolize then demonize" train of modern media is just not good karma, dude. Two, camera-friendly Michael Phelps seems to be rebounding nicely from his questionable judgement with continued public support which doesn't make for an outstanding Halloween costume. However, if you decided to rock the Speedo, too... eh, never mind, just don't do it.

The Michael Phelps Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's.

Weed Ganja Marijuana Mary Jane Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes #118

From the 2007 Archives:

What came first, 420-friendlies buying the costumes on this list or the soul-gutting costume industry prompting 420-friendliness? I don’t know but I’d prefer a bunch of couch-contained tokers to any of these Weed Halloween Costumes running around my neighborhood. But hey, I’m a Californian.

Steroids and Bratwursts Personal Trainer Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #65
From the 2007 Archives:

Thanks, Walmart, for another inflatable misstep. While the potbelly peeking out from the personal trainer mini-tee might be ironic in and of itself, one has to consider the bigger picture. The unnatural biceps popping from the forearm, the ‘roid-rage of a face… yeah, the Steroids Personal Trainer Halloween Costume’s going a little Chris Benoit. And for anyone who thinks steroids are a joke, I recommend the TLC program THE MAN WHOSE ARMS EXPLODED. That was one nasty and disturbing show. Maybe Walmart thinks this obscenely-figured Personal Trainer Costume is clever but in the modern age, this costume is a little too dicey. Particularly if you slip on a cap and bicycle shorts and call it a Floyd Landis.

The Steroids Personal Trainer Halloween Costume is available from Walmart.