Octomom Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #144

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume posits Nadya Suleman, America's favorite baby-obsessed, collagen-friendly, Angelina Jolie-lookalike, with Mrs. Brad Pitt's star-making turn as Laura Croft in Tomb Raider. Octomom features plastic tubby babies - presumably ammunition for or against the paparazzi and social services - affixed to the most bad-ass snugly ever... a criss-crossing ass-kicking bandolier which is perfect for anyone refusing to take nature's no for an answer.

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Michael Jackson Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #132

Throughout his career, both music and personal, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson paraded around in a host of brow-raising outfits. This fire-enging red Thriller livery highlighted in the Michael Jackson Halloween Costume is a nice example of Jacko's opulent, out-there modus operandi... one that in its extreme saw his downfall and ultimate demise. Come to think of it, Brittney Spears had a similar look in her Oops, I Did It Again / fire phase. Sigh, maybe shiny red things should be omens to peak performers to slow that circus down! The bright white glove in the Michael Jackson vinyl bonanza is extra troubling, drawing a Mickey Mouse parallel and evoking disturbing childish images. The low down? Just beat it.

Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume Wig

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #128

I agree, Kate Gosselin, and the other face of Cerberus, Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate plus Eight are creepy, slimy and scary but do they need any more publicity with the Kate Gosselin Halloween Costume wig? The Labor Commission says NO! This Halloween Costume is almost as worse as the time kids trick-or-treated around my college campus as Patsy Ramsey.

Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #126

Dude. The election's over. Joe the Plumber is barely making it on the small town Republican speech circuit and has no business in the Halloween Mix. Forget the coverallicious Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume, its 15 minutes is over.

The Joe the Plumber Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's.

Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #123

The Bernie Madoff Halloween Costume is great... if you want to get pummeled. Halloween is a time of fun escapism and running around as this nation's preeminent poster grandpa of corruption and pyramid schemes is just way too skin-crawly scary. Know what it's like to get hit in the face by a sack of pennies? 'cause that's what you're in for.

Michael Phelps Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #120

Hello 2009!

The street name for the Michael Phelps Halloween Costume is Weedies (Wheaties). I originally didn't make the connection to the venerable gold-medal record-breaking Olympiad because the ears are just so huge on this scruffy guy. But on closer inspection, the medals around the neck, the goggles, the swimmer's cap and the bong in hand are telltale signs of the character. Now, the Michael Phelps Halloween Costume presents a conflicting twofold problem. One, parading around as a disgraced persona, a troubled athlete, a fallen media darling and jumping on the crazy "idolize then demonize" train of modern media is just not good karma, dude. Two, camera-friendly Michael Phelps seems to be rebounding nicely from his questionable judgement with continued public support which doesn't make for an outstanding Halloween costume. However, if you decided to rock the Speedo, too... eh, never mind, just don't do it.

The Michael Phelps Halloween Costume is available from Ricky's.

The Joker Batman Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #119

From the 2008 Archives:

Laughing yet? As I was driving my Granny through the deep, dark, woods, an old Buick thundered by us from the opposite direction of a no-lane road like a demon from hell. It was being driven by the above Heath Ledger as The Joker Halloween Costume. Now I did a quick search for “The Joker Halloween Costume” and the results were bountiful. Plenty of retail outlets are selling The Dark Knight: Joker Halloween Costumes for adults and children (good lord!) alike, to cash in on one of the most lucrative industries in history - celebrity death, tragedy and sensationalism.

Tara Reid Wardrobe Malfunction Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #111

From the 2007 Archives:

This Tara Reid Halloween Costume also goes by the name “Wardrobe Malfunction” but it looks suspiciously like one of Tara Reid’s more publicized red carpet moments. Pokes fun at celebrities under the influence, poor fashion sense and bad business management when these issues should be taken very seriously. Please don’t expose your children to this.

The Tara Reid / Wardrobe Malfunction Halloween Costume is available from Easleys.

Baby Elvis Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #103

From the 2007 Archives:

No denying, this baby in the Elvis Baby Halloween Costume is bad ass. And don’t you dare make fun of the ill-fitting Mr. T ‘do. Elvis baby is taking care of business and you better deal with it. Just ask the snarl. I love it..

Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #88

From the 2007 Archives:

The Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume, pre-Trim Spa bulging hot pink one-piece paired with platinum ‘do, says more than enough. Listen, I was never a fan of the woman but sometimes we’ve got to rise above and not kick ‘em when they're down. Or dead.

The Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume is available from Costumes 4 Less.

Jack Osbourne Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #77

From the 2007 Archives:

The price on this horror upon horrors Jack Osborne Halloween Costume has dropped from $28.00 to $6.00 and that should be a warning to all you Yanks. Those horrid Osbournes were so 4 years (and in Jack’s case, 50 lbs and many bad hairstyles) ago. Of course, you could modify this with a lip ring, bible and cap for a Revolution Church-Jay Bakker look.

Magnum PI / Tom Selleck Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #55

From the 2006 Archives:

You just can’t fight Tom Selleck’s suave debonair in this Magnum PI Halloween Costume. Tommy Boy’s making a real comeback via cable reruns of that perennial favorite, Magnum PI. At least according to my 12-year-old-cousin. Gotta love the tropics. But if you’re going to be rocking this costume, please find a better mustache. And beware, those not digging Magnum may mistake you for a Caribbean drug smuggler. Which on second thought, makes this getup very Halloween appropriate.

The Magnum PI / Tom Selleck Halloween Costume is available from Costume Craze.

Hellvis / Evil Elvis Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #54

From the 2006 Archives:

Very doubtful that most folk will intuitively string together the Hell+Elvis = Hellvis play on words so be prepared to be mistaken for one slick flashy-red devil in this Hellvis / Evil Elvis Halloween Costume. Unless you actually believe Elvis is (or, for conspiracy theorists, belongs) in hell, underneath the cooler than thou exterior, Hellvis just don’t make much sense. But then again, neither do Dixie-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches (Which I really couldn’t force myself to eat at the Sun Studio Cafe in Memphis, even though they were being served up by a heavily-tatted fry cook). Fundamentally, though, we all know that Elvis is waiting in line for that great big buffet on Neptune. And being the word, pop culture and absurdist geek that I am, I love, love, love Hellvis.

Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #33

From the 2006 Archives:

Congratulations, dude in the Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume, you're a walking Jimmy Buffet song... and yet I am almost certain that Buffet fans will have no idea what this happy-go-lucky Hamburgler/tropical shirt combo is inferring.  After all, peeps has got copyrights to worry about.  This costume garners more what the hells than oh yeahs.  Jimmy Buffet plus Halloween?  Nah.  Save it for Florida.

The Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume is available from Four Eyes Joke Shop.

Eminem Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #22


From the 2006 Archives:

The official name for this "white rapper" getup is Tighty Whitey, despite the model's Asian-i-tude.  An obvious Eminem / Slim Shady / Marshall Mathers knockoff.  Lame and dated.  Don't do it.  Not many people can pull off orange, anyway.  Da Ali G costume is an acceptable rapper replacement.  Parody of a parody.  Wrap your brain around that one.  Quite a popular Halloween costume, again, this year.

Wacko Jacko Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #19

From the 2006 Archives:

Dare to celebrate the occasion as a man-child pedophile?  The Wacko Jacko Halloween Costume Mask in all its thoroughly inappropriate glory is the one for you!  Includes overly collagened lips, caved-in nose, perma-eyeliner, wig-ish hair and sad eyes.  Does not include baby-dangling Blanket.  If you deign to trick-or-treat at Tom Sneddon's house as Wacko Jacko, please take pictures.  If you don't, you'll be arrested.

The Wacko Jacko Halloween Costume Mask is available from Halloween Store.

Dog The Bounty Hunter and Beth The Bounty Hunter Halloween Costumes

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #1

From the 2006 Archives:


One of the many catalogs The Oriental Trading Company spams me with every month shows up in the mail. I thumb through, checking if any of their products are high-quality enough to warrant purchase for my business. Nope. However, a particular section captures my interest… the Halloween Costumes. Their costume selections truly set the bar for tacky and inappropriate. And this is coming from someone whose scary ex-model Viola Swamp of a 5th grade teacher Ms. Bezold wore a jaw dropping, cover your eyes kids, sexy piratess outfit to our elementary school’s Halloween parade. A kid also trick-or-treated my parents' house dressed as the Unabomber. Out of his entire route that night, my Pop was the only one who correctly guessed his costume. Way to go Pops!


Among the Halloween Costume selections The Oriental Trading Company is peddling to consumers are matching Dog The Bounty Hunter and Beth The Bounty Hunter outfits, based on the A&E television show. In September [of 2006] Dog was arrested per the Mexican government for illegally bounty hunting in the country relative to the capture of serial rapist Andrew Luster. Although this [was] my top pick for Mikey and Vol's Halloween Costume for 2006, let's face it, if that load of black plastic and peroxide mullets showed up on your front stoop, I rather think you'd be fearing trick rather than treat. Both the Dog and Beth costumes come with knives with leg straps.


[Note: The charges against Dog were eventually dropped. But then came Dog's inappropriate racial tirade...]