Gas Pump Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #37

From the 2006 Archives:

Target Corp., home to lots of Halloween treats, gets a big ol’ thumbs down on its Gas Pump Halloween Costume. Especially since a jerk might want to pair it with the Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume. See, Gas Pump does not frighten me because I don’t drive a suburban assault vehicle. And even if I did, the pump itself is not scary so much as the politics, corruption and pollution behind it. Conclusively, Gas Pump misses the mark. Beholders might be prone to initially praise its cleverness but that will soon give way to reflection, sadness and the realization that Gas Pump is simply Halloween inappropriate. I might find Gas Pump entertaining, though, if it was lit afire (no really, don’t). Now that’s a statement to the nth degree.

The Gas Pump Halloween Costume is available from Target.

Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #36

From the 2006 Archives:

White man dons lots of cloth, bad beard and velcroed sandals to complete sheik-dom in the Arabian Sheik Halloween Costume.  Not exactly "convincing."  But it does look pretty comfortable for summer in the San Fernando Valley.  Weren't a bunch of these guys stuffed into a VW van attempting to carry out death and destruction in the Back to the Future franchise?  I imagine less learned folk might find this scary if accented by heavy artillery but unless you want to be tarred and feathered or quartered by a couple of Ford pickups, I advise against running around in this costume.

Saddam Hussein Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #35

From the 2006 Archives:

Ever since Saddam Hussein was caught in a filthy hole, eating wieners and looking like a muddy Woodstock hippie, his scare stock crashed.  Therefore, the Saddam Hussein Halloween Costume ask is neither frightening, nor, given the current unrest in the Middle East, funny.  Plus, the red beret fashion this Hussein rendition into an unshaven pansy of an art student.  I've met many in my life so I can expertly assess this character as WEAK.

Dr. Condoleeza Rice Halloween Costume Mask

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #21

From the 2006 Archives:

The Dr. Condoleeza "Condi" Halloween Costume Mask is the perfect centerpiece for any United States Secretary of State Halloween Costume.  Honestly, unless a politician is embroiled in some sort of lurid scandal or you're a federal employee in need of an outfit for the office Halloween party (holla' tax dolla's!), I find these costumes rather ho-hum.  But it's your funeral. Take that, Axis of Evil!

By the way, I've also seen Laura Bush Halloween Costume Masks... but really, what's the point?  Unless you're literally trying to bore someone to death.  In which case, you're sick.

The Dr. Condoleeza "Condi" Halloween Costume Mask is available from Buy Costumes.

Donald Rumsfeld Mask Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #8

From the 2006 Archives:

Donald Henry Rumsfeld served as the Bush Administration's highly controversial Secretary of Defense (his second time around the block) from 2001 to 2006 and ran the United States invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq.

Among other things, Rummy has been embroiled in scandals not limited to the crafting of war propaganda, the insufficient supply of military equipment to U.S. troops, and the torture and abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

The Donald Rumsfeld Mask Halloween Costume captures Rummy's essence in all its manufactured glory. And indeed it is bone-chilling. Almost too bone-chilling. If I met this thing in a dark alley, I’d throw Rummy the bag of candy I stole from the Lucky Charms Leprechaun and run screaming in the opposite direction. Rumsfeld, by the way, has been known to live on an estate known as "Mount Misery."