Monday, January 11, 2010

Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #155

Shoddy, painted grocery bag-like construction informs the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume. Dated, outside of aging baby-boomers, the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume is lay-it-on-the-tracks lame. These days, it's all about Wicked and soylent green Elfaba. This yellow-bellied costume is possibly successful when paired with high-quality Dorothy, the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Toto, et. al, and for over-the-top, freakish pictorals of Elton John songs.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #154

Cock-a-doodle doo! You're sure gonna be heckled in this Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume. More snicker-worthy than a red South Carolina Gamecocks cap, the Rooster Hat Costume appears to be regurgitating a mighty happy Joe.  Yuck!  Bird lover?  Penis envy?  Just a douche?  I really don't want to figure this one out so strut on right back from where you came from, Feathers.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dick in a Box Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #153

One, you make a hole in the box... The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume pays homage to the viral SNL digital short starring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake as a junk-obsessed 90's ballading boy band. I don't know if it's too ridiculous for my tastes by the Dick in the Box sketch only hooked me with the "no hands" construction of the shiny-bowed package.  I prefer "Motherlover" 10 to 1.  The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume is an almost-but-not-quite choice for those nerds with a discerning sense of humor wanting to impress the middle class everywhere.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #152

Look, okay, some of us Froshes didn't gain 15 pounds from beer guzzling, like the Freshman Fifteen 15 Halloween Costume suggests.  Maybe the jerks in administration thought that it was okay to take $40,000 a year from us while feeding us carb-loaded slop.  The Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume features a muffin top spilling over a peek-a-boo thonged miniskirt that was popular, oh, like 8 years ago.  Sure, you'll see plenty of midriffs and skin at those ever-packed freshman keggers but, especially in winter, most of those poor lasses will be huddled together, shivering and wondering how come the kollege let in so many geeks and gee, frat boys are kinda gross.  Seriously, this looks like something Steve (Ian Ziering) would have been forced to wear in his K.E.G party boy ways during the last season of the original Beverly Hills 90210.

Cock Block Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #151

The Cock Block Halloween Costume most disturbingly marries cavalier suggestive slang with a children's toy. On no he didn't! In this case, however, I think the average viewer may just understand the effect you're going for because, indeed, wearing a baby's alphabet block around town is potent a sexual deterrent. Nice rooster cock detailing on block face. But does the wearer have to look so dang surly? I'd go with a more pouty-frustrated look.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Clapping Cymbal Toy Monkey Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #150

The Clapping Monkey Halloween Costume most derangely illustrates the wrath which any right-minded house dog exhibits when tearing into the mangey fur of a chirping simian toy.  I know.  I've witnessed it first hand.  And this monkey, with its mini-cymbals (the most annoying percussing instrument outside of the triangle), red striped inmate/elf pants, doofus red cap and constipated expression is a true study in freakdom.  Only a bona fide sociopath would don this tailed costume.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Geico Caveman Halloween Costume

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #149

The Geico Caveman Halloween Costume is one ugly mother.  I hate those beasts and I hate this mask.  With dead eyes, buck teeth, caterpillar eyebrows, greasy hair, baggy eyes and a bushy beard, the Caveman Halloween Mask looks less like a simple tool adept link in man's evolutionary chain and more like a fat, brainwashed slob of some cult's brethren.  This thing is scary a hundred ways to Christmas.  Higher species will reject it.